Oh, great, another food recall. This time it's Costco, yanking Caesar salads and chicken sandwiches because, surprise, they're laced with plastic. Plastic! You know, that stuff that's totally safe to ingest. Give me a break.
So, Costco "notified shoppers." How noble. As if we weren't already bombarded with enough reasons to distrust everything we put in our mouths. This isn't just a Costco problem, offcourse. It's a symptom of a much larger disease: our entire food production system is a plastic-wrapped, chemical-laden dumpster fire.
Ventura Foods, the dressing supplier, gets a shoutout. Thanks, guys! Real heroes.
"Shoppers should check for Lot 19927 and Lot 11444." Right, because everyone memorizes lot numbers while they're trying to navigate the weekend Costco apocalypse. And the sell-by dates? Mid-October to early November 2025? We're supposed to be time travelers now? How many people are actually going to check that? Probably the same number of people who read the terms and conditions before clicking "I agree."
The article says it was sold in the Midwest, Northeast, and Southeast. Lucky West Coast, I guess? Or maybe we're just next.
"Please stop eating the product and return the item to your local Costco for a full refund," the notice says. Oh, you think? You think I want to eat plastic? What do they take us for?
Here's the kicker: "This withdrawal shows how plastic infiltrates our food supply." No freakin' duh! It's not like this is news. We're practically eating more plastic than food at this point. Microplastics in the ocean, microplastics in our bottled water, and now visible plastic in our Caesar salads. What's next, plastic-flavored ice cream?
They say foreign materials can cause choking or damage to internal organs. Well, that's comforting. It's not just a minor inconvenience; it's a potential trip to the ER.
"Researchers don't yet fully understand what happens when microplastics accumulate in the human body." That's the scariest part, ain't it? We're guinea pigs in a giant, unregulated experiment. And the results? Who knows! Maybe we'll all develop superpowers. More likely, we'll just get cancer.
Improved monitoring? Tighter rules? Yeah, that'll happen. The corporations will just lobby their way out of it, as usual. Money talks, and our health walks.
They suggest cutting back on prepared meals. Okay, great. So, I'm supposed to spend all my free time cooking from scratch while juggling three jobs and a crippling sense of existential dread? Thanks for the tip.
And then the call to action: "Reach out to your representatives." As if they give a damn. They're too busy lining their pockets with corporate cash to care about some plastic in my salad.
This isn't just about a salad recall. It's about a broken system. It's about corporations cutting corners, regulators turning a blind eye, and consumers paying the price—literally and figuratively. We're drowning in plastic, and nobody seems to care. Maybe I'm just being cynical. Nah. I'm right.
