So, Alibaba's earnings are coming up, huh? Cue the usual Wall Street cheerleaders telling you it's a "strong buy" and that the "long-term outlook remains solid." Give me a break. They’re practically drooling over the "AI potential."
Analysts are tripping over themselves to raise price targets, with Mizuho's Wei Fang practically orgasmic about the stock, slapping a $195 target on it. Citi's chiming in too, saying recent weakness is "temporary." Temporary for who? Their bonuses?
They say order activity is up, customer spending is picking up, and AI demand is rising. Okay, even if we take that at face value—and I really don't want to—so what? It's still Alibaba. We're talking about a company that's constantly under the thumb of the Chinese government. Remember when Jack Ma disappeared for a while? Good times.
The hype around AI is especially laughable. Every company slaps "AI" on something, and suddenly it's a tech darling. It's like putting ketchup on a turd and calling it gourmet.
And then there's the whole "strong buy consensus" thing. Nineteen "buy" ratings and two "hold" ratings? Sounds less like objective analysis and more like a well-orchestrated PR campaign to pump up the baba stock price.
The article from November 23, 2025, paints this rosy picture of Alibaba as a "uniquely positioned" tech company, swimming in cash while everyone else drowns in debt. It claims Tmall and Taobao are money-printing machines, funding all these fancy AI ventures.
Okay, let's be real. E-commerce in China ain't exactly a walk in the park right now. The Chinese economy is… complicated. And while Alibaba might be generating a ton of EBITDA, how much of that is actually making its way back to investors?
The article boasts about share buybacks and a "modest dividend." Modest is an understatement. It's like getting a participation trophy after running a marathon.
The real kicker? They admit analysts are "bracing for a slide in profitability" on a measly 3% revenue uptick. So, the "ultimate growth stock" is expected to have a rough quarter? That sounds less like a growth stock and more like a value trap waiting to snap shut.
Oh, and they also mention trade restrictions between China and the U.S. benefiting Alibaba's AI chip development. Are we supposed to be happy about that? Celebrating geopolitical tensions as a growth opportunity? Some things just ain't right.
Using TipRanks' Options tool, we can see that options traders are expecting a 7.21% move in either direction after the earnings report. In other words, nobody really knows what's going to happen. If the "experts" don't even have a clue, why should I throw my money at this? Alibaba (BABA) Will Report Its Q2 Earnings Today. Here Is What to Expect
And let's talk about that 80% stock jump over the past year. Sure, it sounds impressive until you realize it's retreated 20% from its October highs. That's a pretty volatile ride for something supposedly so "solid."
They tell me to "be patient, but pay attention." I'm paying attention alright—paying attention to the fact that this whole thing smells fishy.
I will say this, though – the article's typo of "offcourse" instead of "of course" is pretty much the only thing that feels real. The rest is just corporate fluff.
